Well, isn’t Australian politics a bit of a circus at the moment.
For those of you not in the know (and I assume that means anyone beyond the shores of our great sunburnt island continent), this statement probably doesn’t mean much. After all, seems like circus could be applied to the politics of a bunch of other countries. Still, here down under, there’s a special kind of madness that’s gripped our body politic. We’ve just appointed our 6th Prime Minister in little over 10 years (and that includes one PM who was usurped and then usurped his way back). We seem to be in a never ending cycle as leaders get stabbed in the back, and then shortly afterwards find the same treatment meted out to them.
It’s a form of political craziness that has to stop – and I think I have the perfect answer.
The first thing I figured, when I watched these pollies on the telly (a little Aussie lingo for you), is that they all seemed pretty grumpy and miserable. Which made me think of what I might be able to do to make them all a bit more cheerful. And then I had it.
I’ve blogged before about my love of green apples. I have a green apple every day, straight after lunch, and it always makes me happy. I break into a grin at the merest thought of biting into a fresh, juicy, sweet but with just the right amount of tartness, green apple. And that’s when it hit me.
What we really need in Parliament is green apples. Green apples will make everyone happy, and then there’ll be no more of this political assassination type behaviour. That’s why I propose establishing a brand new political party – The Green Apply Party.
The Green Apply Party stands for all that’s good about green apples. We’ll bring a smile to everyone in Parliament, and happy politicians will result in great legislation and great government for everyone.
I’ve already got some policy ideas. For instance, at the beginning of each session of Parliament, when they have all that formality, I propose we replace the mace with – a green apple (or maybe a few). That will definitely get things off to a happy and positive start.
And you know how after someone stands up to give a speech, half the people in the house yell out “Hear, hear” while the other half yell out “Shame, shame.” What they could do is toss green apples at each other instead. Not so hard as to injure their opponents. Just to share the delight that comes from sharing a bunch of a nice, fresh green apples.
That’s just the start. I’ve got plenty of other policies to float, but all in good time. There can be no doubt about it. The hour for The Green Apple Party has definitely arrived. And if it works for us here in Australia, I see no reason not to export its ideals – seems like there are plenty of other nations with messed up politics that could do with a green apple.
Posted by Jonathan Gould and tagged as