I had a revelation the other day. Like many of you, I’m tired of all the nastiness in the world. I’m utterly sick of the meanness and rudeness that passes for discussion and debate. And I’m well and truly over the sickening phenomenon of the internet troll – the sad and stunted individuals who seem to get off on being as vicious and unpleasant to all other net users as they can.

So I’ve decided it’s time to find a remedy for all that horridness. It’s time to find a way to bring all the unpleasantness to an end. It’s time instead to spread a vast web of niceness and kindness over the internet. And I’m just the bloke to do it.

That’s why I’ve decided to create a new movement. A team of subversive niceness. We’re going to use stealth tactics to strategically undermine all the meanness and rudeness on the web. We’re going to sneak into forums and discussions unannounced and do the most radical thing possible. We’re going to be nice to everyone.

No matter how rudely or horribly the trolls we encounter behave, we’re not going to rise to their bait. The meaner they get, the nicer we’ll get. We’re going to spread such a blanket of niceness that the trolls won’t know what hit them. They’ll be gradually smothered underneath all those complements and words of praise and affirmation, until they’ll have nowhere else to turn and nothing left to say.

Of course, I can’t do it on my own. If I try to go up against the multitude of trolls signal handedly, I’m sure to be defeated. But if we have a squad, a massive army of niceness, I’m sure we can outnumber those yucchy trolls and bludgeon them (nicely) into oblivion. That’s why I’m looking for fellow souls to join me. I need to create crack teams able to sneak onto the web to take on the trolls. I’ve even got a snappy name for them – Net Niceness Ninjas.

So if you think you have what it takes, let me know. If you, like me, have had enough of the overwhelming meanness, please join me. If you think you too can be a warrior for niceness, I want to hear from you.

Together, we can make not just the internet but also the whole world, a better, safer, and especially a nicer place.