Actually, my middle name is David. Which is a pretty good name, I reckon. At various times, I’ve thought of using it instead of Jonathan as the name I’d prefer to be referred to. It’s neat and simple. In comparison, Jonathan can sound a bit fiddly and fussy. I like the two syllables in comparison to the three. So much easier to say. At times in my life, when I really felt like crafting a new identity for myself, I seriously felt like becoming a David. But in the end, I suppose I came to terms with being a Jonathan, so I left it as is.
Even though I never became a David for everyday purposes, I’ve also considered the possibility of using the name as a pseudonym for my writing. I was never quite sure whether David Gould jumped off a book cover in a more striking way than Jonathan Gould, so again I kind of left it as is. (Then again, I also considered reversing my names and then mixing it up a bit to come up with a pseudonym – something along the lines of Nathan Ojdluog. I’ve got no idea whether that was a terrible or a brilliant idea, but in the end I didn’t do it so it didn’t matter.)
There’s definitely something about somebody’s name that defines who they are. I suppose the reason I never became a David was that I really identify as a Jonathan (or occasionally a Jon – but definitely never a John).
Which is kind of a round about way of getting to the actual topic of this post. Because if a name is meant to convey something about yourself, then I think the name I need is Confusion.
I’m permanently confused. I’m totally confused. I’m not sure I even know what day it is. I’m pathologically unable to make my mind up about anything. I’m rarely able to see any sense in the things that occur around me. Confusion should totally be my name.
Except – who wants to be called Confusion? Can you imagine if they were calling the roll. Barry…Belinda…Bob…Catherine…Confusion? Doesn’t sound like such a great idea to me. Make either the roll-caller or myself (or possibly both) look more than a little ridiculous.
So I definitely wouldn’t want to have Confusion as my first name. But it would definitely work as my middle name. Not the name I would go by, but a name that’s there, helping to define me. So, to finally get to the point, Confusion is not actually my middle name, but it might as well be…
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