June 23, 2016 in Dag

Here’s everything you shouldn’t do

I know, I’ve said it before, and I hate to think that I’m repeating myself. But every time I cruise through the book of faces or surf the waves of the internet, I just can’t avoid them. All those sites saying I should be doing this and I should be doing that.

Now I’m the sort of person who hates being told what to do. Even if it’s good advice (and I’m sure a lot of that stuff being posted really is good advice) I just can’t help myself taking a contrary position.

Which is why I’m offering this little post as a bit of an antidote. I’d never think about writing out a list telling people what they should do about anything. Instead, I’d much rather tell people what they shouldn’t do. So here goes.

1. Don’t write web pages telling other people what they should do. Well, that one is obvious I suppose.

2. Don’t go out in the cold and rain without wearing warm clothes. I suppose that’s obvious too. Mind you, it is starting to sound a bit directive, so I’ll qualify that by saying if you really do want to go out in the cold and rain without wearing warm clothes, I’m not about to stop you.

3. Don’t touch your toes without bending your knees. I can’t do it, so I don’t see why anyone else should be able to do it either.

4. Don’t wear a brightly-coloured life vest while surfing the internet. Well you’d just look silly, wouldn’t you. And you’re taking up a life vest that would be much more useful on somebody that was actually at risk of falling in the water.

5. Don’t wear a dull-coloured life vest while surfing the internet. For the same reason as above. I’d hate to think that I’m colourist.

6. Don’t cry while watching funny movies, or laugh while watching tear-jerkers. People will think that you’re odd. I know I do.

7. Don’t get the hiccups. It’s really uncomfortable.

8. Don’t climb to the top of the tallest building, and then jump up and down on one foot singing, “The bird people are coming to watch tennis in the garbage bin.” The bird people might be offended.

9. Don’t try to make sense of the world. Don’t not try to make sense of the world either. Sense and the world are just not words that combine well in any way as far as I can tell.

10. Last of all, definitely don’t pay attention to anything I said in the previous nine points. Don’t pay attention to this point either.

There you go. My work is done. I can now go off and sleep for the next week.

Update on Riptides in Reality

Don’t forget the Riptides in Reality contest is still on. Go to http://www.between-boyfriends.com/2016/06/riptides-in-reality-sci-fi-and.html where you’ll find a cool giveaway happening. Enter for a chance to win a bunch of prizes, including a copy of the anthology plus a variety of books by the contributors, an Amazon gift card or even a Kindle Fire.

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