October 11, 2018 in Dag

I’m always contorting myself

Circuses are pretty cool.

Like many people, I’ve often had the dream of being a circus performer. Wouldn’t it be fantastic to be able to stand in a ring in the middle of a massive crowd of people and provide them with amazing entertainment.

Of course, I’ve pictured myself in multiple different roles. Sometimes, I feel like a juggler, trying to keep all my balls (or pins or whatever) up in the air. I’ve even managed to teach myself some rudimentary juggling skills, but possibly not to the standard expected of a circus juggler.

Other times, I feel like I could be a highwire walker. After all, there have been many times when I’ve felt as if I’m balancing high over the crowd, at risk any moment of suffering a dramatic and life-threatening fall.

Then again, some may suggest the most appropriate role I should take is that of the clown. They may be right. I do have a habit of not taking things seriously (and possibly making a fool of myself into the bargain).

But mostly these days, I feel like there’s another role more pertinent to the way I live my life. More than anything else, I feel like the contortionist, bending my body in ways that a body is not designed to bend.

There are many times when I get that feeling of being a contortionist. Every day, there are so many things to do, and so many people to please. I feel myself twisting and turning until I can no longer tell exactly where the different parts of my body are located.

This contortion is the result of so many different forces bearing down on me. There is the force of work. There is the force of family (true, this is also a tremendous source of pleasure, but it does come with its pressures). There is the burden of looking after my health as I get older.

All of these listed above are pressures I can’t avoid. But then, in addition to these, are the things I want to do – and of course the major one is writing. I can’t really describe this as a pressure as it’s something I enjoy. But the pressure does come from trying to give myself the time and the energy to commit to the writing amongst all those other obligations. And that’s where I really start to see myself being pushed and pulled in multiple directions simultaneously.

So roll up, roll up. Come and see the crazy contortionist twisting his body in ways I never imagined I could. He’s always on show, 24 hours a day.

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