March 3, 2016 in Dag

I’m never quite sure where I’m going – and I’m never quite sure where I’ve been

Life is a journey, or so the cliche goes.

And like any journey, it’s important to know where you are going, or so people would have you believe. Only problem is, some of us have no idea.

Sure, it would be nice to have some clear sense of destination at the start. Then you could consult a map and work out exactly where you needed to travel in order to get there. You could plan the journey, determining which stages would be easy and which stages would be complicated, and where you might find forks in the road that needed some thought in order to figure out the correct one to choose.

Oh how I wish it was as easy as that. The further I’ve travelled along this journey of life, the more I’ve had a sense of not knowing where it’s meant to be taking me. Am I nearly there? Do I have far to go? I really have no idea. And because I don’t actually know where I’m going, that makes it pretty much impossible to determine whether I’ve actually gotten there or not. In the end, the main goal becomes just getting through each short, daily trip. Where have I gotten to by the end of the day? Does it feel like I’ve made some progress on where I was yesterday? Is this a good place to take a temporary pause and rest? Yes, no, maybe – I’m really not sure.

Well, at least I can look back on where I was, to know that I’ve made some sort of forward movement. Or can I?

To be honest, I’m not even sure where I’ve been. If I look back a day, a month, a year, even five years, it can be a real challenge to figure out where I was. Memories and recollections shift and blur in my mind. Times and events merge together. After a while, all I get is some sort of vague recollection of…something.

Sometimes, it feels like I’m just floating in the middle of nowhere. I’m not sure where I’m going. I’m not sure where I’ve been. I’m just muddling along, maybe going forward, maybe going backwards, and most probably just spinning around in circles.

Then again, does it even matter? Is it important that I have some sort of goal to rush purposefully towards? Is it important that I have a crystal clear recollection of every moment that I’ve lived? I’m not sure. At the moment, I think this post is starting to copy my life in general, spinning around in aimless circles. Does that matter? I hope not.

Wherever you’re going, and wherever you’ve been, I hope you have a good week.


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